Exactly two years ago, I migrated a handful of blogs I was running into PlasticPilot.net. To celebrate it with a touch of fun, I decided to make a slightly unusual monthly reader’s poll. Please leave your favorite aviation joke in comments!
To start the party, here are a couple of altimeter jokes.
An American flight starts its approach to an English airport:
APP: US123, descend to 5.000 feet, QNH 1024
US123: Uuuuh, we need that in inches
APP: US123, Roger. Descend to 60.000 inches, QNH 1024
The second is about a student taking his second lesson. His instructor tells him to keep the altimeter needles aligned to indicate 5.500 feet. As the aircraft slowly descends, the student pilot keeps his hand on the altimeter setting knob, constantly changing it to keep… 5.500 feet indicated.
I can’t wait to read yours!
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NSFW!!! And more of a practical joke.
These two pilots – I think one of them was named Brian
– brought a beautiful bouquet of red roses, making sure all the flight attendants saw them as they entered the cockpit.
On this flight was a new flight attendant – her very first real flight, and 3 other FA.
During the flight, the pilots would ring the intercom and ask for each FA, one at a time, starting with the most senior, and working their way down to the new one.
When the FA entered the cockpit, the pilot would ask the FA what they thought of the flowers. The FA would gush and say they were very beautiful.
Then the pilot would say, “They are yours, if you make love to both of us.”
The FA would get mad, and leave the cockpit.
When the new FA entered the cockpit, the same act would follow except they said:
“We both know this is your first flight, and we are very glad to have you here! For appreciation, we’d like to give you these flowers!”
The new FA would thank the pilots, take the flowers, and leave the cockpit with big smile on her face, and proceed down the aisle to the rear of the plane.
The other 3 FA’s would have a look of disbelief on their faces, and would all think, “What a tramp!”
Tower: L39 N###, Did you guys get that contract with the post office?
L39: Say again Ellington Tower.
Tower: L39, We heard that the mail was going to be in the Czech.
(pause)
L39: … Slow day, huh.
Tower: (laughing) Sorry.
(The L39 is a Czechosolvakian military trainer)
Lots of aviation jokes on my website, Golf Hotel Whiskey. Have a look in the humour category: http://www.golfhotelwhiskey.com/category/humour/.
My favourite is the one that ends ‘wasn’t I married to you once.’
Given Vincent’s location near Frankfurt, I think the following well-known joke is de rigueur:
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign “Speedbird 206″.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944! — but I didn’t land.”
A USAF C-5 Galaxy is being escorted across the Atlantic by an F-16. The F-16 pilot is feeling rather proud of himself and executes a roll just off the wingtip of the much larger C-5. The conversation that followed is priceless..
Fighter Jock :”what’dya think of that?”
C-5 Pilot: “that was alright… but just watch this…”
Ten Minutes Elapse
C-5 Pilot: “what’dya think of that?”.
Fighter Jock: “like what?”.
C-5 Pilot: “I just got up, stretched my legs, took a piss and grabbed a cup of coffee…”
Fighter Jock: “Oh…”
Helicopter pilot’s motto: It’s good to soar like an eagle, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
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